What a shitty experience!

Beads perspiration ran down my forehead

My face stayed rigid in a perpetual spell like smile I couldn't break

I could barely move because I didn't want to cause any further disturbance to my already angered body

The air conditioner was on full blast but the sweats kept dropping like rain 

I think it even made my condition worse

I was practically making hubby race down the highway like a maniac just to get me home

A little background story

Hubby returned from a week long trip

It was the first time we were spending such a long time apart since we got married

So he bought every goody goody imaginable 

And as the good wife I couldn't allow my husband's money go to waste 

So I did what any reasonable and loving wife would do

I ate and ate and ate some more and then ate again

Ice cream, sharwama, peppered chicken, chocolate.....hey God, who wouldn't love such a caring man

It was a memorable night

And I loved every bit of it until the next morning 

After a powerful worship session

Immediately the pastor mounted the podium to share the word of truth, I heard the first rumble hmmmmmm

And then the next and a dangerous fart looming around

It then dawned on me that the gods were angry

How dare I finish all of that on my own

I signalled hubby 

Fire on the mountain ohhhhh

I needed to find the nearest restroom

Silently I prayed 

'Almighty and powerful God you who shut the mouth of the lions and delivered Daniel from the Daniel's den 

Sorry, Daniel from the lion's den

There's nothing impossible for you to do

Please deliver me'

Oh noooo, we couldn't make it home

He drove to the nearest eatery

Using my left hand to support my buttocks

I held firm oh to avoid any stray missile

The few steps to the restroom felt like eternity and the minute I sat on the loo I could literally hear the angels singing 'halleluyah, hallelujah' in response to the prrrrraaaaàattttaaaaa sound I was releasing 

My dear, it was at that moment of blissful relieve that I knew heaven was real

The God wey no let me shit for body no go fall your hand.